Winning The Battle

“The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines - in the gym, out there on the road, and long before I dance under those lights.”
~ Muhammad Ali

This is one of my favorite quotes. Although I enjoy boxing, this is not the reason that I like this quote. Mr. Clay may be speaking specifically about boxing, but in reality preparation for any battle, that is expected to be won, begins far way from the battleground.

©2010 YP Mazzulo

Are you a Victim or a Survivor?

Like most people, your life has changed in some way during the past months. Maybe, you lost your job, your savings has dwindle or you’ve been forced to cut back on leisure activities… perhaps even to the barest necessities. It seems unfair that the financial health of most of us is currently at risk due to the actions of others. Most of us are feeling stressed because is seems as though there is nothing that we can do to “fix it.” In times of stress people tend to rely upon familiar behaviors and ways of thinking. We tend to respond like victims or survivors.

How are you reacting to your current situation? Are you thinking of yourself as a victim of circumstance or as a survivor who will weather the storm?

The victim views a crisis situation as a threat. As a result, he or she becomes entrenched in feelings of fearfulness, helplessness, and hopelessness. Fearfulness, because they don’t know what lies ahead but they are convinced it isn’t good; helplessness, because they have lost control over the situation and don’t see any way of regaining control; and hopelessness, because to them the future looks pretty bleak, and there’s no light on the horizon. It’s difficult for a person who feels victimized to look forward to any source of pleasure or joy. He or she is paralyzed by their victim’s stance.

On the other hand, the survivor views the same situation as a crisis, but is able to move through their initial alarm to a state of mind that enables them to consider their options. They engage in the process that unfolds throughout the days, weeks and months. While fearfulness and helplessness may be elements of the process, they aren’t all of what he or she feels. The survivor’s stance is colored by hope. As they consider their options, their fearfulness diminishes because they realize that all is not lost. The survivor also realizes that they haven’t completely lost control over their situation, because if they’ve put their mind to it, they can begin to form a plan. This goes to the core of what it means to be a survivor, and is the main difference between the survivor and the victim.

The victims are wringing their hands and crying, “Woe is me!” The survivors are discovering that they have choices, both individually, and as part of a nation and a world. These choices can improve our situation. Victims are attempting to hold on to life, as they knew it before the crisis. Survivors are seeking to use their creativity to re-create their lives in very basic ways.

It’s not always easy to create new goals, to develop strategies for meeting those goals, and to stay focused enough to achieve desired changes. Sometimes we need someone to hold us accountable for the progress we say we want to make. Seek out the help of friends, family or even a mentor!

It is your choice whether you feel like a victim or a survivor. Allow yourself time to feel saddened by the loss of what you may have had, but let it be a survivor’s sadness. Don’t let it paralyze you and prevent you from seeking new opportunities!

Again, it is your choice!

©2009 – YP Mazzulo

Dealing with Negative People

When is the last time you had to deal with a negative person?

How did you handle it?

Did you attack back or navigate through the situation with grace?

Taking a moment to review a negative situation, while we’re calm, allows us to think about productive avenues for handling future negative people and situations. (Seriously reviewing any past situation allows us to think of better alternatives for the future.)

You may ask, why bother to have any forethought about our responses? The answer is simple; We damage ourselves by feeding into other people’s cycle of negativity!

Wherever we go, we are inevitably going to face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off or people who simply don’t like us. That’s the way life is, we are all, thankfully different. Our differences are not the cause of conflict but they do trigger our emotions. Our emotions are what drive us back to our basic survival instinct of React and Attack. But, we have the ability to keep our emotions in check and control our responses.

Have you ever noticed that negativity spreads? I’ve found that if I’m around a negative minded person, their negativity starts to affect my thoughts and judgments. I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a direct reflection of their obvious self-dissatisfaction. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to bring others down too. Reacting to someone who is negative will only trigger anger and additional negative responses from that person. If we do respond, we have wasted our energy upon the unproductive. Energy wasted on negative people is energy that could have been spent on a million other, far more important issues.

Some people may have a less than articulate way of expressing themselves, it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses.

“If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.” ~ Alex Noble

© 2009 YP Mazzulo